2023~X40. Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

Susan Jeffers. 1987.

Once you get past the title of the book, it really has nothing to offer.  Worse than that, there are parts that I found harmful and offensive.  The author was born in 1938 and the book was written in 1987, which might have been good to know before I read it because I might have been slightly less harsh is I had known this along the way.  The book had such an offensive lack of understanding about trauma, disability, and abuse and such an incredible lack of insight about privilege, I could barely get through the book.

It felt like a 1980's self-help book about how to think your way into a happy life with positive affirmations and focusing on always seeing the best in everything.  

Don't even get me started on the disturbing vignettes, like the one about Charles, who is "handicapped" and uses a wheelchair, but is "so inspiring" how he does motivational speaking for kids. He dances with them in his chair and tells them if he can get out there and dance, so can they.  His ability to think positively, to "feel his fear and do it anyway" lets him answer questions like how does he go to the bathroom and remind others that they should appreciate what they have--the implication being that people should be grateful for their lives in which they are not "like Charles."  Just barf.  Cue touching story about the mother whose inability to let herself feel the grief following the death of her child led to epilepsy that when into remission after she started going to a support group where she let herself feel her feelings.  Epilepsy cured. The end.

As is this is not enough, there is an entire section that turns into a recurring theme about the importance of "saying yes," even when you are very scared.  I don't think she actually meant this to sound like she was saying that if you just "said yes" instead of resisting then you wouldn't be a victim, but when she said that if you "say yes" to things when you are really scared and did them anyway, you might enjoy it and not "be a victim" it sure sounded like problematic messaging about rape.  Some related quotes: "We are all winners when we say yes." "Saying yes will make you feel better."  "Saying yes will improve your relationship with the universe.  It will improve your relationships with other people around you."  

Another lesson for people who have experienced terrible things at the hands of other people is for them to meditate in a dark, quiet space and "wish white like and good things to everyone who ever hurt you."  You should do this day after day until you are no longer angry at them and no longer angry at yourself for being angry at them.  Do this for one person at a time, day after day, until you have found peace with all of them and yourself.  Cue touching story about an adult child who tells him mother it is ok that he was horribly neglectful to him while he was growing up because it allowed him to learn independence during that time.  It is the "victim mentality" that makes things hard, so you have to let go of any resentments you have.  

She tells us to remember that if you accept the pain in your life as something positive, then you won't be a victim anymore.  Security, she write, isn't about having money, it is about developing an attitude that you know you will be fine without it.  

I will leave you with one other moment in the book that struck me as particularly...problematic.  She says that when a friend recommended that she read Man's Search for Meaning, she didn't want to read because she had always avoided anything that had to do with the Holocaust because it was too hard a topic for her to handle.  I just am not interested in positive thinking life advice from anyone who doesn't think they can handle reading a book about the Holocaust.  Moreover, she goes on to say how meaningful she found the book because it reminded her that she has so much to be grateful for and positive about in her own life.  

I. Just. Can't. With. The. 1980's. White. Women. Anymore.

​Do not recommend.

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