In the past few years, it seems like these chaotic, comedic memoirs by people with mental health issues have become quite popular.  There is something about them, though, that I find off-putting.  In reflecting about why, I think it is not so much that I don't think you can joke about serious mental illness so much as that I think there should be some moments where there is an acknowledgement that things are not all humorous--that the hospitalizations, addict​ions, and repercussions of her actions have had negative impacts not only on her, but on her family.  She completely glosses over the many ways in which her situation has harmed her parents and sister, not to mention the other people in her life.  Humor might be her way of coping with this, but I felt like at some point in the book, there should have been a pause to honor the things that were hard instead of just jumping from joke to joke.

I will say, though, that as a child who grew up learning the Suzuki music method, the chapter on the cult of Suzuki was amazing.  I had as negative an experience with it as she did and despite having spent a lot of time trying to dissect the many ways in which I was harmed by my time in that program, which was like ten years from 3-13, I had not come up with many of the observations that she had about her time there, which was even more than mine.  I found her analysis of Suzuki music as a cult to be spot on and that it likely impacted me in similar ways it impacted her.  I liked this chapter so much, it almost warranted making the book a recommendation, but ultimately it wasn't enough to save it.

​Not recommended. 

 Click here to purchase this book and support My 50 Bookish Friends blog project.

A painful look at emotional abuse in the context of a Hollywood child actor's star, this book was a raw look at the life long impact a self-absorbed narcistic mother can have on someone whose life from the outside appears to be charmed and privileged.  I really appreciated the refreshing honesty in this book. McCurdy was able to convey some of the contradictory nuance that many abused children feel towards their parents.  It is an intense read, as we find out how her mom taught her disordered eating to keep her looking young enough to get cast for roles younger than she was and about the bizarre control over bathing and hair washing well into her late teens.  Whether you had a similar childhood or now, prepare yourself for a glimpse into high level dysfunction.

Recommend.

Click here to purchase this book and support My 50 Bookish Friends blog project.

Possibly my least favorite plotline for a "romance" is the overused boss-employee dynamic, which is actually also the plotline for a lot of sexual harassment and gender discrimination lawsuits--and this book could just as easily been foreshadowing that story.  Nothing in the book was enough to make-up for this.  The entire thing was just awful. I am surprised I could even finish it. 

Do not recommend.

Click here to purchase this book and support My 50 Bookish Friends blog project.

This G-rated post-break-up romance is actually really cute.  When her fiance calls off the wedding at the last minute and no refunds can be had, the super sweet main character decides to gift the wedding to another couple who decide they need to get married quickly before a family member starts another round of cancer treatment.  It is just a genuinely lovely little story that I can give a soft recommendation to.

Click here to purchase this book and support My 50 Bookish Friends blog project.

This is the best book I have read in a long time and I absolutely could not stop reading it, while also knowing while I was reading it that I didn't want it to end.  Even during the weird Part IX that doesn't go with the rest of the book's style, I was so drawn in that I was confident it was going to eventually tie back in and be worth it.

A rare story about friendship, I just don't understand how this is shelved in "romance."  While the characters have romantic relationships, this book is about deep, long term, complex relationships amidst the pain of grief and loss, illness and disability, and outgrowing relationships.  The main characters are gamers and then game developers---with their lives are consumed by their shared passion for their work, which is also their play.  We watch them go from the youngest geniuses in the room to the oldest ones.  

Since I was born within an year of the main characters, it was just so much fun to walk through their story, which is so steeped in technology and the evolution of technology, knowing exactly what those limits were at the time.  The worlds was so different before cell phones when you couldn't get in touch with someone and the ways in which those differences are weaved into this story, along with all of the games I grew up playing gave the story rich emotional depth for me.  

I loved how one character compares friendship to a tamagotchi-- you have to pay attention to it every day or it will die.  And so much of this story revolves around how video games are and are not like real life.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, just like a video game.  Shouldn't we be able to do back to the safe point and try again, have a do-over.  This idea that when someone dies, we yearn to have a do-over, but also just anytime we do something that results in a less than ideal outcome.  The characters are so obsessed with Mario Bros at one point in the late 80's, that if they miss even a single coin, they would immediately restart the level.  As I read, I felt so much melancholia for the characters wanting to do that, but also reflecting on the ways in which I wish I could go back to the save point and start over.

Everything in this story relates life to video games.  A theory about child rearing and not wanting or guiding your child to be someone they aren't is to not get attached to the details of a new game project you are working on too early because that will just cut off the flow of ideas and stunt the potential of the game.  You have to just see where it organically goes first.  A theory about grief is that our brains create an AI version of those we love and when they are gone, your mind is tricked into thinking they are still here for a while.  But over time, the coding gets old and the hardware becomes obsolete until the high resolution, 3-D virtual rendition of them fades until it is just a black and white photo, without sound or smell or feel.  

There has been some push back against this book for its depiction of the relationship between a professor and a student that is abusive.  The criticism seems to be that the relationship is "normalized" in the book and, for sure, at the time the relationship is happening, the character in the relationship believes it is consensual and the other characters ignore it in large part, but if you finish the book, it is clear that with maturity, that is not how they situation that relationship in retrospect.  I think the way the author handles this issue is quite realistic and sophisticated.  I appreciated the nuance brought the topic, which clearly depicted not only how it was playing out at the time, but how the various people involved created narratives that allowed them to cope with the situation.

I love a book full of new ways to think about life and this one brought that, along with a wallop of emotion, initially in small moments, but ultimately in big waves.

I didn't realize until after I finished the book and looked up the author, that she is the author of another of my favorite books: The Storied Life of A.K. Fikry, which you can purchase here.
​
Highly recommend.  

Click here to purchase this book and support My 50 Bookish Friends blog project.