This was one long-ass book.  But I learned so much about the Edgar Hoover and the shocking history of the FBI.  For sure, I knew some things about both the agency and its most notorious director, but I had no idea how much more there was to know and now I really, really know a lot about the topic!  I am not sure I retained all of it because there were some sections that were quite boring and parts where I am sure I let my attention wander.  In some places, it felt like the author had learned something that took her a long time to discover and she just really wanted to make sure it was included. I imagine her editor saying, "You know, we could cut some of this part because it is a little boring" and her response being so passionate and her defense of the passage so detailed and intense that it was easier to just leave it in than to cut it.  Even with that flaw, I found the topic fascinating and her obvious dedication to the material inspiring.  It will renew your paranoia about government overreach and commitment to making sure that civil liberties, particular of young radical left activists are protected. It is something more people should study and really sit with.

Recommend.

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This had all the judgment of a Hallmark city-girl moves to a small town to escape from her big city sell-out life Christmas romance movie without any of the romance. She doesn't fall in love in order to make the point that her career driven life was empty, so I suppose I shouldn't have disliked it as much as I did.  Mostly, I just didn't find the story relatable.  It oozed with superficial reflection and lack of insight into her privilege.  It just left me feeling judgey about her choices and disappointed that there wasn't a more poignant lesson.

No recommended. 
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This bk got off to a decent start, but just when I was starting to settle into the story there were some hints of what was to come.  With the evangelical football coach trying to save his lost player and hold him together for the big game, it shouldn't have been a surprise that the end of the book culminated in a combination of Christian symbolism and toxic, masculine violence.  By then end it felt like an icky Christian propaganda piece. No thank you.

​Not recommended.
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I was unprepared for the raw introspection that this provides about a child starved for love, affection, and attention, in the midst of a pediatric cancer treatment that removed part of her jaw bone.  Her description of being bullied and ostracized following was painful, but that paled in comparison to the emotional impact of her experience of illness and hospitalizations.  I was stunned by her frankness about the ways in which she enjoyed being sick, having surgeries, and the attention that came with it.  Her vivid and detailed accounts of trying to make herself sicker was both heartbreaking and shocking.  People who love horses will not find it at all surprising that she finds particular joy and acceptance riding and caring for horses at a stable.  

The writing in the book is strong and her story provides a unique perspective, yet I did feel like something was missing from the book.  There didn't seem to be an overall arc or theme to the story that held it all together, which I think left me feeling a little disappointed by it overall.  That said, I have mad respect for someone who can take such a harsh and honest look at their motivations as a child and young adult and take public accountability for that.  All in all, I have really mixed thoughts about recommending the book, so I am going to call it a Not Not Recommended.

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The author's writing style here is not my favorite, both in terms of what sometimes feels like he is prattling on about things to fill up space, but also because he really likes a subtle cliffhanger.  The book is written in sections that are each 7 years apart, presumably based on the Waldorf or other similar theories about the important of 7-year developmental blocks divided in to 3 parts and an epilogue.  At the end of most (maybe all?) chapters, we are left in the middle of an event, the details of which are abandoned while we jump to the next time period.  I am sure this is meant to have some literary value and for sure all of the loose ends are tied up, but I found it irritating o have so many important facts just left hanging for so long.  It wasn't at all clear we were going to circle back to the dangling pieces and left me feeling hyper-aware of this as a literary tool.  I just found it distracting from the story.

However, given that I didn't love the prose itself and was irritated with the author's literary choices, by about part 3, I found myself very much immersed in the story on a number of levels.  I loved the complexity of the emotions and characters.  I really had to slog my way through the early years, which were a bit pedantic -- with a lot of emphasis on boys in all boy environments obsessed with their bodies and the ways they could use them.  At some point, though, the entire tenor of the book changed and I was quite surprised to find that as the character himself matured, the narrative did, too, until it had something meaningful to say.  

This story arc of a gay man's life in an homophobic world beginning in 1945 and continuing until 2015 was ultimately worthwhile, with insight about what growing up Queer was like and how that shapes a person's experiences and actions.

On a side note, I did not love how it dealt with a side issue of child sex abuse, which was told from the point of view of a woman who experienced abuse as a child and blamed herself in large part.  There was no counterpoint, leaving the narration of the story feeling victim blamey.  But, it was enough of a side issue and, given the context in which the story is told, it undoubtedly reflects how many women in her situation viewed the dynamics of what happened.

Recommend.

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